That time I took a leap of faith.

I feel like it was a million years ago, I swear.
I look at pictures and all I see is two people.
Two people that used to love each other so much.
That used to wake up in the same bed morning after morning.
A man that used to slip his arms under her resting body in the morning sunlight and squeeze her tight and whisper "I love you".
These pictures. I almost wish the didn't exist so I wouldn't have to see that girl who was so happy.
Pictures of these two people standing so close to each other in backyards of friend's parties. Of random kisses in cars, of quick glances at one another.
It only reminds me of how much I wish I was still that girl- so comfortable and content with the love she had found, real love, for once.
So comfortable. So, so, so comfortable.
So, so content that she had found someone that put up with her drunkin tears, her morning breath, her quirks and her fear of letting someone in.
So happy that she had found someone that made everything seem better than it had ever been before.
Someone who made the world a better place for her- where music sounded better, where she didn't care if she felt ugly that day because she knew there was someone who thought she was beautiful no matter what.
A world where she glowed with the feeling of love in her heart, her mind, her body.
Looking at pictures makes me sad to see that I am no longer that girl...but also makes me thankful that I had it, if only for a short period of time.
I can still remember the last time he said "I love you".
He was driving to work and to drop me off at the bus stop so I could visit my family...we both knew that when I went back to school things would change.
A quiet silence in the car- he reaches over, takes that girl's hand and kisses it slow and tender, and asks her: "You know I love you, right?"
She thought: "Now I do", she answered: "I know baby".
That was when they both decided that giving him a bit more time than they had been planning would be a good idea for them. They had a good month or so after that, but they both knew.
I didn't want it to end. I wanted to fight for the love I had found.
But maybe when you can't physically be with the one you love it wasn't meant to be.
Turns out he is moving to my town soon...
When we broke up we promised we'd stay close. That the second he was done dealing with whatever it was he was going through that I'd be the first person he'd call...
Now he's coming, and I know me and him will never be together again.
In the weeks after our break up I thought that we would for sure get back together, that being apart would only make us want each other more.
Turns out I was the only one thinking that, and while the world around me was changing so was he.
But sometimes I still look at these old pictures of us together, and I see two people I no longer know.
The girl in these pictures is not me now.
Everyone has to go through first love heartbreak right?
The girl in these pictures was a girl who was naive to the worlds potential of hurting someone who thought they could never be hurt.
I made him promise he'd never hurt me on purpose. And I know he didn't.
I took a leap of faith, with my heart racing and my guard up. I ended it with my heart racing, tears streaming down my face, a question of why? and a crash course in how to be hurt by the man you love the most.
He was my best friend, my man I could tell anything and I know he'd understand. My man that took care of me when I was too drunk and toweled me after a shower while I muttered "This could be so erotic if I wasn't so drunk" while he laughed.
He was my man. My boyfriend, my first love, my man that I would have done anything and everything for.
He left me with the most valued lesson in the whole world:
Love hurts, but it's totally, utterly, completely, insanely worth it. And time heals all wounds.
When all I could do was think of him, and how much he was hurting me- when I'd wake up in the morning and the first though I had was him and it would make me so sad that I couldn't fall back asleep....time has healed all of that.
Not to say I don't still think of him, because I do.
But the thought of him doesn't hinder me living my life anymore.
All I have to thank for that is time and friends.
It does still feel like a million years ago though even though it was less than a year. A lot changes in a year.
And whatever the future holds for me will be amazing, like the love I so briefly was lucky enough to experience.